Celebrating the music scene in the South

Monday to Friday and Beyond

Posted by Joel Ransom • January 27, 2009 • Printer-friendly

I’ve realised I’m going to find it hard to actually review bands for fear of upsetting a lot of friends.

IN the past, if I haven’t liked a band I’ve had the cushion of remaining friends with people by staying silent about their music and just not putting them on a bill; but, those days are long gone and this week I got the fear.

I’ve decided I’m going to write what I know and sit on the fence as best I can then supply links at the end of my ‘stories’ for you decide for yourselves and then, hopefully, check people’s calendars and go and watch them play.

If you’re easily offended look away now....  If you played Havana last week, it’s best you look away too.

Monday – at Havana Bar in Southsea -  there was an event hosted by Trash Arts.

On Friday, The Hong Kong Gardeners Club.

Now, I like Havana…..it’s not at all as grotty as that BBC1 show portrayed it to be last Friday and it’s about to shut down for a month beginning mid-March for a massive spruce up (I hear the launch party on April 10th’s going to be just a bit special), but there’s a massive BUT.

Let me explain.

Monday’s gig was interesting, things kicked off with the James Cleaver Quintet fresh from their travels down from Eastbourne.

The singer bounded around the almost empty room (it was early) jumping on tables and singing into people’s faces with a confidence I liked... Nice and rock and roll, I thought.

Well, It was until he knocked over an empty tea cup with his mic lead and walked back, picked it up and placed it back on the table. Nice chap, but hardly the ‘tv out of window’ type behaviour their onstage persona suggested.  If Rob Zombie did the music for a Tim Burton film and got The 80s Matchbox B-Line Disaster to perform it in the style of Foals that would be The James Cleaver Quintet.  Nothing new there then except a lot of shouting.

Jazica played next and I was looking forward to their set, but it was ruined by two things (make that three things).  I do like Jazica - I put them on last year with Accidents Never Happen from Liverpool – but, they need to tighten up.  It’s hard when you have to keep changing the line up of your band because your band members can’t make gigs, but my advice to them is find people who don’t let you down.  Their songs are good and they have something to offer (I feel like I’ve been playing Nintendo when I watch them, I don’t know why and it’s not a bad thing) but things need sorting and they need sorting fast.

The other two things that ruined their set for me were lead singer, Frankie’s boobs.  The poor thing didn’t bother wearing a bra and was bouncing up and down on stage like she was operating an invisible pneumatic drill.  It made their set farcical as people were laughing all round the venue and all eyes were on Frankie.  It was like Pinewood were on location shooting Carry On Playing, which - line up and boobies aside - I hope Jazica do.

Joey Nightmare were next and here’s where things get difficult.

Tiff and the boys were without question the tightest band of the night... Their songs are good...  They look good.... They sound good.  But, you see the pattern there don’t you?  Something just doesn’t sit right with me.  If I were Roy Walker and I had Mr Chips stood next to me at the gig we would’ve looked at each other and uttered the words “It’s good, but it’s not right.”

I spent the duration of their set sat on an empty Pimms jug asking my wheelchair bound friend, Elly, if she liked my home-made commode and offering to make my own version of “one bloke one jug” if she got her camera out.

Venice Ahoy rounded off the evening with their madness.

I’ve loved these boys since the first time I saw them.  They put on a show!  Last year, I often used to wonder if they actually had any real songs in amongst their on stage shouting’s and intricate guitar playing, but, since their return from New York where they recorded their album, I can see quite clearly that they do.  Everything’s more polished now; the finishing touches have been applied to – what were - their start off stand out tracks, Maps and Fireworks and their new songs are even bordering on melodic.  They’re still manic and mental, but now have the added bonus of being strangely comforting in parts.

Venice Ahoy confirmed one thing to me, with them in my life I don’t need drink or drugs to bounce up and down or smash my head against walls with glee.

Not a bad gig, by all accounts, but the night did lack atmosphere.
There was no buzz about the whole thing and I can’t put my finger on why and that plays on mind with other such wondrous musical mysteries such as “how does a singer sing when they’ve just had botox” and “has Joey Outlaw started yet another band this week and if so will this one actually be any good” and “breasts: aren’t they great”.

I slept well Monday night, and awoke on Tuesday a happy man.

Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday were good days for me:  I received the new singles from Jay Jay Pistolet, Dan Smith and the brand spanking new album from Orphans and Vandals...and, in the next few days I’m going to be writing about O&V’s album in depth with an interview from Al and Gabi Woo from the band.  I’ll wet your whistle for now by saying one thing: get your wallets and purses out and walk into a bookies tomorrow morning and put money on this, as yet, unreleased album winning this year’s Mercury.  Remember, you heard it hear and I want a cut of your winnings.

So, a week indoors playing on tinterweb, talking to the Blissfields people about exciting things and listening to new music was my week.

It’s a hard life.

So imagine my disgust at having to trundle off to Havana for the second time in a week – free of charge and with free drinkies all night (soft drinks, thank you) – to watch a new and very young local band, Mammoth! Mammoth! play with The Haunts as part of a very busy Hong Kong Gardeners Club.

Mammoth! Mammoth! opened the night and they were nothing more than I expected from a young band of 15/16year old boys.
As a band they were tight, but I’ve heard this shouty, riffy, hooky, violent, bounce-round-the-stage type stuff a thousand times over the last couple of years and I’m just getting bored.  Venice Ahoy and Liverpool based band, Indica Ritual, are streets ahead of the game and should be left to it unless someone’s going to come up with a new take or at least something new to say.

Saying that, I’ve seen Mammoth’s bassist Dean Edwards play in four different bands since meeting him last year when he was part of indie band Castilla and I like the cut of his jib. This is by far the best project he’s worked on and the fact I found it samey should in no way take anything away from how these three young kids played because they played fucking well.

They finished up and Haunts came onstage.

There are problems at Havana (here’s the big ‘BUT’ from the beginning of this feature, can you remember that far back?) with their fire exit... It’s on the effing stage (I watched Panorama, no swearing here, sir)... In the middle of the stage…...right at the back!... And you’re not allowed to stand in front of it let alone put your drums in front of it as one would expect when setting up a normal stage plan. (Thank God the revamp’s happening soon.)

I saw Haunts play when they were touring with The Wombats last year and I was undecided as to whether I liked them or not.  I spoke to guitarist Alex before they played and he seemed to be a nice chap.  He even agreed to play “I’ll stand in front of the fire exit until I get caught” with me while I kept a tally in the wings.  Their singer, on the other hand, looked like a right miserable git, which was strange for someone who looked like the rock and roll brother of Harry Hill.

(I found out afterwards that Friday had been a “traumatic day” for the band – they probably ran out of gin on the tour bus – and they just weren’t really up for it.
We all have off days, but for the sake of half hour’s extremely well paid work it ain’t hard to pretend.  I did feel sorry for the singer as he sat with his head in his hands for about twenty minutes after the set had finished, but then so would I if I played stuff as dreary as this.)

Not all of the set was dreary.

Again, as musicians these guys were great and they had the makings of some really interesting songs, but it was all a bit lazy and more geared towards 13 to 17 year old girls who want to be Emo, but like pop and really aren’t into self-harming in case it hurts.  The whole thing screamed “we’ve been going longer than White Lies, why are they bigger and better than us”?   By the fifth song, Love Is Blind, I was a bit bored and then the singer (I don’t care what his name was before anyone comments) announced that he was “gonna tell us all a story”.

“I killed a man,” he said, now, I don’t believe he’s killed anyone for a second, what a silly story!  The song itself was like bad Roachford introduced by a poor Johnny Cash impersonator.  The next song was even worse and I was getting pissed off by lyrics that just meant nothing, it was called Black Eyed Girl...  Why did she have black eyes?... Had the writer hit her?... Was she, in fact a panda?... Was he in love with ChiChi?... The song never answered any of these questions, I’m guessing it was some kind of drug reference but I was too bored and too engulfed in keeping score on the fire exit shenanigans than I was on the show in front of me.

I feel bad, everything about the show was fine.  They were musically adept, they had catchy(ish) tunes, the atmosphere at HKGC was great and I’m just being cruel because I just wasn’t impressed.  Sorry chaps.

Still, kudos for the HKGC ladies and gents for putting on a show with only a few days notice having had Maths Class pull at the last minute and extra kudos for pulling a band of Haunts’ stature out of the bag.
The crowd enjoyed themselves and partied on long after the bands had finished and Alex Haunt enjoyed the fact that he managed to stand in front of the fire exit 37 times through out his set.

Anyone got an ideas where I should go next week?  I’m at a loss until the Cellars kicks off it’s February fantasticness.  (Is fantasticness a word? No? It is now!)


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